| You black champion of seduction -
Mugged in fashion Virtue: muggness Bitter to the taste yet, sweet as the love for my dear Honey
The Incommodious space;
The lighting of the few sitting as triumvirates in the corner.
“Take my cigarette” I tell you, “I want to quit”
Tasteful odder inhaled and consciousness -
“Coooonnnnshiiiiisneeeesssss”
We see spelled wrong in our mind.
Cream, crème - I don’t know which. tomāto, tomăto - honestly do I care?
This inexorable soliloquy.
My addiction .
My train is leaving.
My good-bye-kiss.
The sonorous train…
My confiding lover “Please don’t forget me”
My World - bring it to me on a platter.
With speeches and such - Words in Greek.
My sonorous train…
Frosted windows and freshlyprintednewspapers.
I eddy through the steam towards my stalled departure.
My opiate train…
My porringer filled with nonsense.
The smell of freshlyprintednewspapers -
“diluted”
The world I seek is in search of me.
You are in search of me.
My lovers: Coffee and the World with cream
What does this MEAN!!!? |
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| I despise myself, and yet I continue to sip the Starbucks Coffee while the lonely man walks with broom-in-hand past my contaminated conformity. How do we live lives of complacency and apathy when the God of love calls us to lay down the worry of public humility, and with great mutiny, turn away from worry and press our hearts so obdurately into someone else’s? We are tragic creatures of complacency and consistency!
His torn, searching face gave no room for questioning his sorrow, however what was I to do? He walked slowly down the road in and out of the way of oncoming traffic listening to melody streaming from his carried stereo. I watched him as he aimlessly wondered around ignorant of the local ciaos and noise. He was independent of all surroundings, and as I continued to watch, I found no greater interest than that of his neatly folded tarp.
The irony of his statues intrigued me, yet it was not enough to neglect the social safe haven I was so comfortable with. To me, subtle irony was not enough to risk humility. Torn with a burning from heart to soul I vigorously attempted excuse after excuse as I bartered with the Lord of Hope only concerned that my fickle pride will go unnoticed by the Omnipotent One. Mercifully, the Lion of Judea did not strike me dead, but instead pestered my soul until His cross was all I could make out in the haziness of my mind’s eye.
Why do we damagingly bark at our creator with vicious, insolent remarks solidifying our mutinous statues towards him when He is only gently asking us if we would like to take part in a blessing He has offered us to be a part of? We turn down those chances to dance without thinking as we vigorously gnaw away at our soul saying, “Leave us be lest I come away with a blessing”. Sorry wretched souls we have become when we pass by strangers of sorrow rebuking the only thing left in ourselves that whispers against our previously formulated excuses for why it would be a sin to help them. Perhaps we have already made up our mind that this man does not exist in our falsely pious reality. However, those who come away from the suckling of mother’s milk can sense a presently growing urge and need for a rampage against this false sense of reality and the mendaciousness of the flesh.
The torment was too much for my impotent soul to escape from thus I ventured out into the sweltering heat to follow a man of great pity as though I was to be the one pitying. His location was arduous for quite some time before becoming accessible with my car, and as I pulled up next to him, his deep face became more evidently strong and sturdy. I asked if he had an interest in conversation over some food, but he responded, “I will make it, I am fine.” The sound of his voice troubled me and I as I insisted on him coming he continued to say, “I have food in my bag, I will make it” and immediately darted into the median of the road, but not before almost being hit by oncoming traffic.
After being continuously denied by the man my sorrow longed for his acceptance of my offer and so I left to make it to the other side of the road before he crossed. The distance was approximately a quarter of a mile from where I was to a U-turn, and as I left driving towards the U-turn, I lost sight of the man for a short while. As I came back around I knew he would not be able to deny my offer twice, but as I approached the location of where he was it held no sign of the man. It was not physically possible for him to have evaded me with such speed; he was nowhere to be found. I parked my car and walked in order to gather a better look of the surrounding possibilities of hiding only to be failed by all in producing the sad old man. Where had he gone?
There is a passage in scripture found in Hebrews 13:1-2 that says, “Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.” As the man left my world as fast as he came into it, I entertained the notion that perhaps this was not intended to be a meeting for the man, but rather a providential meeting for me. Though through the strength of the Holy Spirit and nothing of myself I believe God would have shared His word through me if it was needed however, I also believe that every moment is made for worshiping whether the prepared intentions one has worked out in their mind are played out or not.
There was something special about this encounter with the old man, and whether he was an angel or not I witnessed God breath in a way I had never experienced before. I learned from a raggedy old man that God works greatly through moments of faith; that we as selfish humans are sad creations of comfort; and that even when we diligently run like Joana God patiently but deliberately works out our obedience until we claim spiritual suicide as our only hope of escape. God help those who neglect the cross with a hope of a carnal silencing of You. With patient whispers, He says to those who trust, “I will light your darkness for I am your Lord and God and my fullness have you received. I will strengthen your soul to be diligently directed towards me, and even when you shun away from moments of obedience I will shower you with comfort while drawing you back to me.” |
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